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i felt like having a DeadJournal, but i can't find any friends that didn't already give off there code.... so i made my own psuedo DeadJournal. Cause you people need to know how fucked up I am. But of course i won't disclose with you the juicy details of certain things. People, events, all that good stuff that you people nuture yourselves on. So yeah... read it now....
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[Music] "Evenstar" Isabel Bayrakda from LOTR: The Two Towers
[Mood] depressed, and somewhat lost...
09/08/2003
Well everyone, it is safe to say that i am not happy, and probably won't be completely happy for a long while. I feel... broken... lost... just totally out of it. I was torn from whom i so desire. And just a few days short of our 1 year anniversary (don't call me tacky just cause i remember, hell, he's the only guy i've remembered that for) and it hurts.... it hurts a lot. It hurts to think that i won't be able to see him until three years later, heh... if I'm lucky. Then again, me and luck don't like each other much. I hate to think that I may never see him again.... (and yes i have noticed that i have yet to say his name, and i don't plan to, i'll release his identity to no one.) It makes me sick to my stomach knowing he's only a few miles away and yet i cannot go to him, no matter how much i want or need to... This was the event i had dread for a long time now... and it had finally happened. Rayne's broken up about it, I feel real fucked up about it, Rinku's worried about all of us.... and Fluffy's... well.... Fluffy's doing her little dissapearing thing again... but yeah, we're all pretty fucked up about it. We can't stand it. It really hurts. I gave him my heart and he became my heart, now i have to learn how to live without my heart. That one organ that keeps me living. I want my heart back, but i fear for his safety, My male parental unit would rip him to shreds if he saw him again. I can see it in his eyes.
"I would go to hell if only I could send you to heaven"
I guess Kae's right... that does sound like a pretty good line. Dammit, i can't stop thinking about him, his face always flashing in my mind. This ended in a really bad way... I can't even think about him anymore without getting all fucked up about it. God, I loved those green eyes of his.... his voice made me melt, and his kiss.... his kiss was.... awesome... I wish I could go back now, and keep my dad from finding out, to keep him thinking that it was nothing but a harmless little friendship. I'd give anything to take it back, to fix this mess i've made. I wish I could make it better again...
[Music] "Something I Can Never Have" & "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails
[Mood] still depressed
9/9/2003
Life sucks, Love is torture, everything's going to shit in he worst way possibe. Fuck the world, and just leave me here to die....
[Music] "Get Up, Stand Up" by Bob Marley
[Mood] interestingly cheerful
09/14/2003
For some reason or another i'm actually pretty happy right now. I'm not sure why tho... well, i can't think of a good reason to do another long entry so i'll just cut off here and go drink my coffee. have a nice fuckin' day everyone :-D
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This site, Rayne, Rinku, Fluffy, and myself are copyrighted to me, The LivingDeadGirl246. If you have a problem deal with it. If it's about the creation of Fluffy, there is a page to explain it in her parlor. I have not forgotten, Clare.
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